I am not my own

I have realized I am not my own. I dont belong to myself.

Do you know what that means? I have been bought at a high price. A high price of love.

By my own choice I am not my own. God is sooo good. I still cant rest and capture the concept that while I was, and still am, helpless and 100% incapable of fixing myself, restoring myself, making myself "ok"....God came in, picked me up and said "your mine. I got you." Before I even said....before I was even capable of saying I love you to God, He said "I love you, and will do what it takes (dying) to restore you to myself."

These ideas, this concept is not to be taken lightly. This kind of love is NOTHING like anything we can compare with here on earth. However, this kind of love, this powerful life changing love is not a one foot in one foot out kind of love.

I dont belong to myself. I have been bought at a high price. If I give myself and submit to this love, no longer shall I do what I want to do.

I dont mind waiting on you Lord. This is a song that we sing at the Rock. I dont mind waiting on you Lord...and I really dont. When we believe and understand our God is sooo good, and sooo full of love, we wont mind waiting on Him.

This life has conditioned us to believe that waiting is a bad thing. Its a scary thing because when we give over control to whatever or whoever were waiting on....its risky. Fail us. so many things and people fail us, as we do them. I can guarantee there has been a time in your life when someone told you "trust me, wait on me. Show me you trust me by waiting on me, give me your trust."

And when you did that, that person hurt you so deeply, that you told yourself the last thing you would ever do would be to trust someone to that extent again. You would be caught dead before you ever gave over control, and let someone dispose of you, take advantage of you or objectify you again.

Maybe, its not the act of waiting and trusting, but its WHO were waiting on...WHO were trusting in. I was humbled in Church today to how worthy God really is. How worthy God is of me waiting on Him. In fact (yeah, im going there) I should honestly be thankful God even allows me to wait on Him. Thinking of God as a high King, to be on my face at the feet of a King waiting on Him.

I might not know you. I might not know your story. But I do know that when we reach a point of humility, on our face saying "God, all I know is how much I need you. All I know is that I will die without you." Our perspective changes. Our perspective on everything.

Realins how worthy, how powerful, how awesome our God is, becomes humbling. God you are so worthy, because of who you are, of me waiting on you, because of how much I need you oh God. What draws me close to you, is my deep need for you, and my depravity without you.

God will nof fail you. He will not dissapoint you, even though it may appear that way. He will never dispose you, or objectify you...ever He will never, ever do anything that is not out of love. Because thats who He is.

I dont mind waiting on that. I have no other choice, for I am not my own.

I cant explain the cross. The sacrifice of love that was for you and me.

I know this: You cant love without sacrifice and pain. Love is not comfortable.