Loss Of Humanity

I want to move to, and raise my family in a place that slows down. I want to be somewhere, where people who dont know each other, actually talk to each other. While waiting for the grocer to bag your groceries, instead of being on a cell phone, I want to talk to the people and learn about their lives. Heck, i want to even just say I hope you have a great day today, the sun looks nice.

I realized how dekalb is actually a pretty small town...but in a weird way I like it. I like how I can go to the local chinese resturante to pick up food for my family and the owner knows my gramma, remembers the boy i brought in when he was meeting my family, how I went to high school with her daughter. I like how I run into the secretary that got me out of detentions in high school because i was late every day, and she still remembers my name and face...and tells me to stop by the high school to say hi to her.

I would love to live somewhere, where i can get my fruits and vegetables from a local stand on the side of the road, and when i give them my cash I know I am supporting their hard labor and helping their family make a living from the lifestyle they choose to live.

I need to talk to strangers more, I need to....in a nice way...make the people around me feel a little uncomfortable. Especially as Christians I feel we need to air our dirty laundry out more to show the impact of grace in our lives, and give hope to those who live in bondage.

Man, I only have what...liek 60 more years on this earth? What am I doing while im here! I am so so so selfish most of the time. from the help of some good friends im learning to be clear....meaning im learning to stop filtering myself to what I think people, the world, or WHATEVER wants me to be...and just be....ME. The real me, the messy, un lovable, un cool, not perfect, seriously pretty messed up me.

I want to do the things i long to do, take the opprtunities that arise, and tell people "why does it matter! this isnt the end anyway...this isnt even what we were made for!!

"The beauty of grace, is it makes life unfair....praise God. Man I am so sick of being what I feel is expected of me there is only ONE.....whose view of me matters...only ONE who I am surrendered to ( because He gives me the choice to) and only ONE.....who when all is said and done...can look at the REAL US..no masks, no stage to perform our best...can see all the ugly...even the stuff WE dont see in OURSELVES...and only He, Jesus Christ, can look at us and say:

you are mine, I have chosen you, and when you least deserved it....I chose to Love you.

Amen friends...that is the Gospel, that is the God we serve.