Song

Nothing Without You

F, C, Am, G-capo 1

I’ve come to know
That im nothing without you
Im nothing without you
I cant sing without you

I’ve come to know
That im nothing without you
Im nothing without you
I cant be without you

This is a cry
This is a beg
To come and fill me once again
This is a cry
This is a beg
To come and wake me from the dead.

Ive come to see just how ugly I can be
How lost I can be, when I follow my own lead

Ive come to feel the power of a slave
The tighter oh the chains
The less choices I can make

This is a cry
This is a beg
To come and fill me once again
This is a cry
This is a beg
To come and wake me from the dead.

Song

Smart of you

I think I’d be smart of you
To hold your words
I think I’d be smart of you
Not to say exactly what you feel

I think I’d be smart of you
Not to take my hand
And lead me away with
Words of unfilled promises

Im young but I have seen
The beauty that comes in waiting
And the power
From a selfless heart

I think I’d be smart of me
Not to hear your words
To realize that selfishness
Can be dressed in charm.

Im young but I have seen
The beauty that comes in waiting
And the power
From a selfless heart

Song

Hard Battle

You’ve gotta know
You’ve gotta know
This isn’t right.
(G2, G, F, G, G2)

Cant you see my face

Now im tired of your words
They mean nothing to me now
But ill try, yes ill try to understand.

Althought now I see a child not a man

But its a hard battle within me
When the fight’s against my heart and my mind
Cant you see im trying here
Not to run away in fear
But ill run if I know you wont fight.
Watch me run, oh ill run if you wont fight
(A, G, F)

So here I am
With my heart on my sleeve
As I try to be the rock

That I am.

And it seems to the world
You know how to win the girl
But as for me I will bow out gracefully.

For I’m told for just my hand ships should sail seas.

But its a hard battle within me
When the fight’s against my heart and my mind
Cant you see im trying here
Not to run away in fear
But ill run if I know you wont fight.
Watch me run, oh ill run if you wont fight
(A, G, F)

Fear

Fear is a death grip that robs us from trusting. Love, and trusting that very love is an extremely powerful thing. The evil one knows that and will rob the power that Gods love has for us by causing us to fear. Fear is holding on when God says surrender. Fear is trying to do things on our own when God says let me. Fear is not trusting He will satisfy, provide, and protect; and turning to other things for those longings when says I AM.....that I AM.

Loss Of Humanity

I want to move to, and raise my family in a place that slows down. I want to be somewhere, where people who dont know each other, actually talk to each other. While waiting for the grocer to bag your groceries, instead of being on a cell phone, I want to talk to the people and learn about their lives. Heck, i want to even just say I hope you have a great day today, the sun looks nice.

I realized how dekalb is actually a pretty small town...but in a weird way I like it. I like how I can go to the local chinese resturante to pick up food for my family and the owner knows my gramma, remembers the boy i brought in when he was meeting my family, how I went to high school with her daughter. I like how I run into the secretary that got me out of detentions in high school because i was late every day, and she still remembers my name and face...and tells me to stop by the high school to say hi to her.

I would love to live somewhere, where i can get my fruits and vegetables from a local stand on the side of the road, and when i give them my cash I know I am supporting their hard labor and helping their family make a living from the lifestyle they choose to live.

I need to talk to strangers more, I need to....in a nice way...make the people around me feel a little uncomfortable. Especially as Christians I feel we need to air our dirty laundry out more to show the impact of grace in our lives, and give hope to those who live in bondage.

Man, I only have what...liek 60 more years on this earth? What am I doing while im here! I am so so so selfish most of the time. from the help of some good friends im learning to be clear....meaning im learning to stop filtering myself to what I think people, the world, or WHATEVER wants me to be...and just be....ME. The real me, the messy, un lovable, un cool, not perfect, seriously pretty messed up me.

I want to do the things i long to do, take the opprtunities that arise, and tell people "why does it matter! this isnt the end anyway...this isnt even what we were made for!!

"The beauty of grace, is it makes life unfair....praise God. Man I am so sick of being what I feel is expected of me there is only ONE.....whose view of me matters...only ONE who I am surrendered to ( because He gives me the choice to) and only ONE.....who when all is said and done...can look at the REAL US..no masks, no stage to perform our best...can see all the ugly...even the stuff WE dont see in OURSELVES...and only He, Jesus Christ, can look at us and say:

you are mine, I have chosen you, and when you least deserved it....I chose to Love you.

Amen friends...that is the Gospel, that is the God we serve.

Please....just come.

Please just come. All who are weary all who are thirsty. I dont care what it looks like when you come, or how you come. I dont care if you sit when everyone stands, stay silent when everyone sings, what you look like or what you say. Please ask questions, please share your heart, be vulnerable. I dont deserve your heart, your hurt your wounds our your past, but I would like to try and ease it. I cant be what you need but because of my own need, I can show you the one who can be.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Come all who are burdened and take His yoke for it is easy and it is light.I am sorry.

I am so sorry for whatever or whoever it was that turned you away. Not away from Church, or Christians, or a culture...but away from a loving, forgiving, saving, and all powerful God....who I promise wants you.

I dont care how you come...just come. Even if its just putting one toe in the door. Maybe it will even be you crawling on your knees our of desperation.....which would be perfect. If that is how you come to Him I believe your already much better off than many others who, like me, have forgotten how we are NOTHING on our own. We are a lost people, who are truly in need of a savior.

I hope you see in me a need, a weakness, a longing for God. I hope you see something thats hard, thats real, thats raw...something that goes beyond appearances, beyond expectations and beyond performance. Something that is so consuming that I couldnt hide it even if I wanted to.

I wish I shined like that.

Found Some Old Writings Of Mine

Im really tired of people being fake and selfish. Please just LEAVE ME ALONE…

Im really tired that I fall into the trap EVERY TIME thinking this time will be different.

Im really tire of being USED to fulfill your meantime needs. How about you think about ME for once. About WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.

Do me a favor and LEAVE ME ALONE. Im fine until you come in and get me off track.

My WHOLE LIFE I have had to fight the voice saying IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I don’t need YOU echoing that with a loud speaker into my mind.

I know, I know its tough. I know the feeling of the underdog and wanting for ONCE to feel on top. And then once you get there, its hard to not take advantage of us, the LITTLE PEOPLE .

But I can tell you one thing. I will NOT PRETEND. I will not give something that isn’t there, or take something I KNOW ISNT MINE.

So next time you think you can come to me, and take things that DON’T BELONG TO YOU, and think its ok…..your in for a surprise.

There might be a lot of things you CAN TAKE from me, but the one thing you can NEVER TAKE….

Is the one thing that’s NEVER FOR SALE.


How mad lol

Song

So song writing is my drug, it saves me from going mental..seriously.

for the past few weeks I have really had it on my heart this idea that when God made us, He looked at us and said "we were GOOD" He wasnt comparing us to anything, there was no standard of good, He made us in HIS PERFECT image and said we were good. Everything in this world tells us the opposite. Says we are not "good enough" in someway shape or form, and personally im getting pissed at the world. I have come to believe the best way that satan defeats us (at least me) is to "twist" or just plain lie..about the core fundamentals that Christ gave us...one being that God truly loves us and another being that we are not "good enough." Much to say I wrote a song about it all.....


Good Enough

These voices scream to me
the lies im starting to believe
now im starting to give in

I wake to a new day
which says that for love I must pay
everything that I don’t have and more

How do I stand in you
trusting your words are true
when all that surrounds me
tries to define me
saying im not worthy of this love

Im taught that freedom can't come free
but you say, truth will do that for me
oh how I need that now
tonight Im walking with my eyes shut
these standards they just hurt to much
but what if its not me that’s wrong

How do I standin you
trusting your words are true
when all that surrounds me
tries to define me
saying im not worthy ofthis love
How do you look at me and see beauty
(2)The power of graceis that He took my place
So you can look at meAnd see beauty

1. When God was finished making us He looked at what He made and said it was "good". In today's world EVERYTHING... i mean EVERYTHING around us is telling us the message that we "are not good enough" that if we just had "blank" or just were "blank" then we would somehow Measure up to this universal standard of good enough. When God made us and said we were good there was no comparison to anything. He didnt say "compared to (blank)..you pass!!!! your good enough!" lol He simply said we were GOOD. My weakness, my fight and battle, my hearts thorn is that Im never enough of anything......pretty enough, smart, worthy, no matter WHAT it is...i just never measure up. What if somehow we could train our minds that when we have these thoughts, to say to ourselves "ya know what...God... G.O.D....says im good the WAY I AM. Yes my shortcomings and ALL."

2. When God madue us He made us in the image of Himself. The Bible also shows that God wasnt really alone when He made us...He had the presence of the Holy Spirit and the Son.... Hence He said " Let us make them in OUR image".... the trio shows community and how we as humans are DESINGED for community, relationships. To me that was honestly discouraging and well, scary because relationships are my passion....and what if I never measure up or am worthy enough for the one thing Im created for! But thats not the community we were designed for... the trio of God, the Son and the Holy Spirit are the communiity that compliments each other... shines the best in one another and loves one another so much more, that they sacrifice for them. They want the others best interest, and is absolutey PERFECT community. That is what we were desinged for.. and katie we live in a world where EVERY relationship WILL dissapoint and fail us. sooooooo

3. (almost done!!!) I want you to imagine something... for real. Imagine being in an atmosphere where the being that created you says you are PERFECT. You are constanly being in an enviornment where you are being told you are passionatly loved, you are good, you are beautiful, there is nothing that you lack, and everything you could ever need is in this being that is telling you all these things. We are beings that were desinged to have something.. no someONE who is outside of ourselves TELL us we are worthy, we are beautiful, we are loved and we are good. In the garden, we had that, we had God telling us those things....but since the fall adn that disconnection b/w God and man....we look for that voice to tell us who we are in other people, and other things. We dont hear God's voice of approval anymore. We can say all we want that as long as we are happy with who we are and confident, we dont need other people's approval...but i dont think i can do that. because I don think i was desinged that way. Am I saying God desinged us to put our worth is other's approval and that their opinions are truth and reality?.... NEVER...im saying the exact opposite. Im saying we need to TAKE back the power we have put in others to define us, and give it back to the one who is wrothy of it.

Song

They Tell Me

They tell me girl just try
A little harder next time
Get yourself in line
Maybe you’ll be alright.

They tell me play the part
That wont break your heart
Hide everything you are
Girl it cant be that hard.

But I know that road
And if you keep walking you’ll loose your soul
There’s a big world out there… to know
So I must go.

Please just try and obey
What the voices say
Don’t ask why
Life is easier Blind

But I know that road
If you keep walking you’ll loose your soul
There’s a big world out there… to know
So I must go.

Girl just close your eyes
Repress all the lies
don’t dream farther than your time
That’s how you’ll be alright. (2)
that’s how you’ll die

Song

Formulas Dont Apply

I thought if I played my cards right
I wouldn’t be where I am tonight
If I played it safe not much to say
I ‘d protect what I used to give away

What if I said that im done
with playing these games
of the heart
That leave it hungry for more


**I found out, without a doubt
In this life oh formulas don’t apply
It doesn’t matter how hard we try, everything will either live or die

hey there, dreamer they call out to me,
when will you come back down.
Dreaming is just for the weak
and I think you show that well.
Oh I believe this more than I know
For it comes from deep in my soul
But I believe its
The only way to save our souls.

A few years in
I think I might now, be just a little more healed
But my heart is still crying and searching
Bleeding for something real.
And I want to see in your eyes
Life is more beautiful than lies
Rise from the ground to the sky

**I found out, without a doubt
In this life oh formulas don’t apply
It doesn’t matter how hard we try, everything will either live or die
Oh Im so tired of compromise
I just want you to look me in the eye
That you see its worth the fight
That I am worth the fight

Fist Full of Sand

Its like making a fist with sand in your hand they say. The tighter you hold, well you know the rest. So what...what is that perfect amount of strength and balance that keeps the sand in the palm of your hand, without it slipping away?

Interesting how they say certain things like love, are just "out of our hands." That there is no choice, no drive, no decision needed to be made with love, its just..."love." If it comes, great soak it up for what its worth. If it goes, well then its time to sow yourself back up and watch it go.

You know call me crazy, but I just cant believe that. I cant believe the most empowering emotion, the most driving force ,the....the very thing that sets our souls alive...is something we only experience if our cards seem to line up just right.

So that seems to leave us with two options. Either love..the act the emotion the concept..is only experienced when the moon and stars a line, or there is a power in and of love. A power that chooses and acts.

Semester 2008

I’ve read enough books, heard enough talks. Had enough advice, and tried distracting myself with enough stuff.

I’ve tried to run, believe me I’ve tried. I ran to this and that, him and her, everything and anything that would fight off the lies.

Don’t tell me its not ok to feel what I feel, to dream what I dream, and make me feel like a fool for believing in more.

You led me here, like you had it planned out. What kind of sick joke is that?
Its things like this, that make me afraid, do what I do, and hide away.
We were not meant to hide, to be shamed or scared.
But its hard not to when my heart has seen war.

Damn doesn’t anyone dream anymore? I feel so alone here, with my head in the clouds. How did anything happen if someone didn’t take the risk to dream it was possible? I still believe in you, yes you love, even if this world proves me wrong again and again. I have to, I need to. We were made from love, by love, to love. I feel it, down to my core. Deep deep down, there is something much more.

I wish that I could be that girl. The one who doesn’t care, pushes it aside and moves on. The one who is strong and can say screw all this. I know what I want, what I need, what I deserve. But that’s just it, that’s it right there. What really, if anything, do we deserve? I know of terms like mercy and grace, but what does that look like, here, standing in my place.

I wish I could be thankful, not always wanting more. Not always seeking, dreaming, searching for the thing to make me whole. But ya know, im just not that girl. Im not the one to dry my lips, cross my legs and keep quite. If that’s what you want, im sorry she’s not here. The one that’s here is a beautiful mess, in every sort of the way. Can you love me in my mess, when im weak and wrong, in my ugliness? Can you love me when its not convenient, when your busy and your stressed? I have had a lot of yes’s but no one to fight till the end. That’s all I ask, all I ask of you. To see that me, in my worst, is still worth fighting for.

Now its my turn, my turn to learn. To shut doors, walk away and stop trying to return. Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting, and the presence of a women is something to be esteemed. She can tease you with her lies, inspire you with her beauty, but the one thing she cant do is make you want to fight for love. Love is a choice, I’ve heard a thousand times, but what do you say, to the one whose seen choices give up and walk away.

It's Getting Hard

Its getting really hard to wait.
I dont know if its my heart, or my fear I feel I need to speak to.
Im getting to that point again, standing on that edge.
I really would be ok, yeah it would suck but i would be ok, my problem is just.... I need to know.

Im trying to be safe, play it cool, do it right, not rush, be led.
Instead I want to risk, show my heart, act on what I feel, jump into something great, and take charge.

Trust. Be Patient. I hear these words but dont really know how to act on them.
I see myself looking around at others, how they already have it because.....they did something better than I?

The thing i liked about liking you, is it caused me to run harder to God.
Why would I turn to you now?

I will not rush my way into your heart.
I pray the same Prayer I have been praying since December: if this is not something you want Dad, guard my heart for I do not know how. If this is something beautiful, wonderful and something you wish to happen, then I pray you would give him eyes only for me. You would guide him, protect him, build him, grow him, use him. And show him the path he must take to reach me.
thank you he has the heart of david, and WILL seek you. Please speak to him.

Your Strength

You have taught me how to love. How to love things that the world would see as unloveable. I fell in love with your strength. I want you to blind me, that I become weak in your arms and your strength leads me into the safest, smoothest dance of my life. You get me outside of my shell. Your charm, makes the women in me come out in all her beauty. Your strength makes me weak in a beautiful way, a way that makes me strong to follow you. I want to be soft, flexible, strong and true. Thank you for rising up and bringing out the little girl in me who is loved enough, safe enough and willing to rush out and shine for you, not even for herself but for you.

Why Are We Made To Feel Like This?

She is stronger than she thinks. She does what is more challenging than conquering her battle; she puts on a smile to fool the world while she is right in the middle of fighting.

She has failed, tried again, and fallen further than before over 100 times. But she knows that what is worse than falling ten times harder than the last, is staying there and not getting up to try again.

The burning inextinguishable fire that burns inside of her to see herself conquer this, is stronger than the pull of failure and despair.

Real passion knows the feeling of failure, but NOT the word impossible.

Dreams not yet reached are stronger than failure already experienced*

Time With You

It was great spending time with you today. I felt you so heavy on my heart, there was no explaining otherwise. Its like, you remove me from my world, from my reality for just a little while. For the right amount of time to remind me.

you brought me to tears. To warm happy tears. The ones that when I raised my hands to hold my face, covered a smile. The thought of your faithfulness held me like strong arms, and the throught of your love for me, lifted my heart into my eyes. The thought of your promises ringing true "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ"..

You brought me to joy today! The smell of warm summer air, the smoke from the bonfire around the corner. I breathed it all in so deep, it rose me to my tippy toes I was so full! I saw the moon, and honestly thought I could fly.

it is known, you satisfy the deepest needs of humanities depravity, inside of me.

Slip A Note Under My Pillow

Slip a note under my pillow and let me wake up from the warmth of the rays through the window. Take my hand, and take me away on a train. Let your smile be my warmth through the pouring rain. Our footsteps will be the only trace we leave behind. Take me to the top of the world and let it reach to the bottom of my heart. Show me all the wonders of the world in your eyes. Lead me to fields of hills consumed with tall grass all swaying to the same melody. Fly me to the oceans of majestic waves, mighty in force yet calm in spirit. Let us lay under stealing stars as they steal the moonlight for their own. Slip your hand under my head and let me dreams immerse into life. Hold me close in your arms and protect me from the nightmares. Remain, and let me awake to the warmth of you breathing. Slip a note in my hand, and take me away.

I watch the snowflakes falling down, and I wish I could be like them. So free, light, careless and pure. Then I realize that I am. No two are alike and each is carefully crafted by your hand. Each fall to just the right destination, at the precise time.

Ship Wrecked

You used to have your claws in me. Loose enough to tease me with peace and joy, deep enough to make sure I knew I'd never be free.

You used to be my eyes. Making me see what was or wasnt there, what I should be, and what I never could. It's said that eyes are the window to the soul. You placed a dark shade over that window and placed a lock with no key.

You used to have me tangeled in strings. Furiously yanking me like a dunk puppet. Doing things to fulfill the very things you stole from me.

Where have I been? When you asked for my hand I gave my heart. Each and every word you said I fell even more apart. Where have I been? Where did I go, when did I leave?

This isnt about you. Its about the spirit, the demon that took over for way to long and has now over stayed its welcome and left. It left with a trail of cuts from being dragged, and a line of blood from what it took.

I see you, see you screaming and thrashing knowing im not yours. I'm coming back, I'm going home. Here it is, its starting..my life that is.

I was smiling, running as fast as I could. I was running with my eyes shut. Maybe Ill open them now, see the things I dont want to.

ok, ok your asking for honestly? You want it out of me? Yup, im hurt. You caught me. You caught the titanic sinking in all its glory. Blind, thats all I can think of. Did you know? Did you watch the ship being bult and know it would sink and still not say a word? Did you see the warning signs, see the happy faces of the people and shrink back?

Maybe, just maybe you knew that you would get on one of those boats and be ok. What about me? WHAT ABOUT ME? Hmmm. You know I would have jumped. I would have jumped for you.

No, its ok. Dont worry about it, dont worry about me. Are you ok? You sure? Can I help? Hell, here we go again. Your the telescope. You see the beauty of far off things, but not the reality of things right here.

I jumped aboard your ship, jumped and packed NOTHING. Maybe Im unpacking now.

Peter Pan Was Right

I still remember the feeling of looking in your eyes and trying with all my might to stop that goofy smile from taking over my face. yeah, I was in love. Now, wonders if I'll ever feel that beauty again flood my mind. Whats on your mind? I tried to love you selflessly, putting myself 2nd to everything. Im sure your heart has far moved on but me, oh this wild heart of mine, the capacity it hs to dream is risky.

There has been a seed planted inside of me. deep deep down it has been placed. It waits patiently, yet reminds the host that its still there. Every bit of trust, love, of dreams that try to die away get stuck by that seed and feed its need. There are times where it doesnt get fed for quite awhile, times where even IT starts to wonder. Sometimes the host becomes tired, tired of dreaming. Oh ye of little faith where has your innocence gone? have you lost your wonder? Wonder, that is something you will never take from me, im sorry.

I still believe in you. i believe you are worth fighting for, or waiting for. How, they ask me. They smile and shake their heads wondering if she'll ever grow up. She's not very strong, but she believes. She believes in the one whose heart is full of splendor and Glory. She believes the one whose hand paints every sky is the same hand that moves the wind within her heart to dream and love. Those are the hands she rests in.

She escapes from the world and runs to the one who loves her and sits anxiously at His feet, waiting for the new dream, beauty and adventure that He will breath into her. She knows the secret to all this. the secret of the innocence and wonder inside a child. A child who has the amazing ability to simply trust and rest.

So go ahead and shake your heads. Smile and hug her out of pity and pain of her poor ignorance. I promise you she is ok. I really am ok.

Love Sick

I am love sick.
We are a love sick people. A love sick species.
We are starving for the thing we were designed for and designed by.

The wounded will not come to you if all you do is stand with your hands open to catch their blood.The broken will not come to you if all you do is count how many pieces they broke into.

The unloveable will not come to you if all you do is see what they see. The shameful will not come to you if all you do is shake your finger, even in the disguise of love.

The lost will not come to you if all you do is sit on your high throne and point them in the direction they should go.

You say that you love, and yet the wounded, the broken, the unloveable, the shameful and the lost are not coming to you, in fact they are running away.

My question is show me HOW YOU LOVE.

I believe in a fierce love. A love that is willing to sacrifice and willing to rescue. A love that puts others not only before itself but above itself. I believe throgh the eyes of love the lame will DANCE, the blind will have eyes as clear as crystals and will SEE things those with sight cant. I believe the mute will SPEAK, even if it starts with a whisper. Love is dangerous and it is worth fighting for.

I Am A Dreamer

I am a dreamer.
I am a day dreamer.
I am a Believer.
I am a seeker.
I am a lover.
Tell me all you want that I won’t get anywhere. Tell me all you want that my wings will never leave the ground.Try to stop me all you want. But I will fly.Tell me all the impossibilities you can think of, I'm still going to try.

The more you tell me, the more I will try and prove you wrong. The deeper you cut the less I bleed.The harder you crush, the more I dream.I am a huge dreamer. I will dream big, and large, with no limits, I will because...I am a huge dreamer.

How Must He Feel

I see your strength in your weakness, in your face when it yearns to reconcile with your beloved. You feel this too. The measure you must feel this pain surpasses the height of any beauty I have ever seen. You let me feel this, experience this with you, for him, for them. Reconcile. Reconcile us oh mighty God. Make us whole, bring us back to the one where we shall never thirst again, shall not want nor need. It’s better than it seems. To good to be true; No, not good enough, not even close. This story of love, of sacrifice. The pain of not being with the beloved, the created, the bride. Being shunned, turned away from, spit on as you reach, strain and yearn for her. I guess pain and love go together huh? You know, that feeling when you really love someone and can’t bear to be without them, so you make crazy sacrifices just so that you can be. And the thing that stands in between you two is the worst thing that could possibly be out there, so the war to end all wars must happen so whatever that thing is, it can be taken care of, destroyed. Don’t you worry little one, you don’t have to lift a finger. That dress I gave you will stay white now and forevermore. No matter what, I will continue to fight for you. While you sleep, while you love another, while you walk with your eyes shut I will fight for you. Why? Because my love, that’s just how love works.

Fix It

I am so sorry. I’m ok now. I cant fix it, I cant be the hero to save your heart. Im ok now, the last thing I want, is for you to feel for me, to worry about me. Im here to fix you, or at least try. I am angry at you, because I cant fix you. You cut, you cut a deep wound that was bitter and trying with all its strength to fend off more pain, but yet is pricked by needles. The wounds from your words, your glares, your glossy eyes that aren’t looking at me like they should. You look at me as if I was one of them, as if I was them. You look through me, past me, as if I was one of them. Trapped, no. scared, no. Angry, yes. I need to defend I need to stand on my hind legs and fight for the very sake of my sanity. Im ok now. The egg shells you leave for me around the house, as if traps for me to fall into when you know what my plan is. Time bombs, everywhere. With my shoulders tight against my neck and every muscle tensed for every minuet im on defense against you, the one who loves me like no other. Im ok now. Why cant my pain be the token for you to receive the joy that I want for you, even though your wounds cut deeper than I knew I could feel. I hear the heavy footsteps from my den, from my hiding place that is never safe. Hope in Him is my everything, you wont steal that. You cant take that. My wounds, as deep as they are I would rather fill with the pain you give, then have it afflict you. I cant take it.Im ok nowAre you ok now?

Eyes, World

World and my soulI finally got a map.... a world map and marked all the places I want to visit: Jamica, Russia, Uganda, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Sudan, Italy, Spain, and India.

oh LORD I hope I am blessed to be able to go to all of those places, meet people and LOVE on them and learn enough from them to write songs about their souls and journal everything

I think. I just need a safe place to lay my head. A rose will not grow when its forced, and it blooms when no one is looking. How beautiful is the un-expected?! yet how powerful is the faithless? The child that waits for her Father with expectancy.

There is a spirit inside me that takes my breath away. I have been born out of love, to love and be loved, and my capacity to love is earth shattering. oh Lord only you have eyes that see the fast oceans and the canyons that my heart aches for. Take me there, with you.

Coffee Shop

She sits by herself in the corner of the small cafe. She sits by herself yet she is never alone. The warm, calm smell of mocha and coffee beans hung in the air like a cover of comfort surrounding her. She wraps her soft, gentle hands around the coffee mug embracing its warmth and letting it seap into her skin, as if wispering secrets to her heart. She quietly listens to the gentle wispers of the other people in the cafe. She looks across the room and sees a young couple hand in hand across the table. The girl quietly laughs and drops her head, then slowly raises it to meet his eyes. The small curls that fall upon her face are not enough to block the world that they have entered as they look into each others eyes. They seem to share the world and the secrets of life, and love, without speaking a single word. She then listens to the soft jazz floating in the air and closes her eyes to let it tip-toe into the creation of her dreams. She wonders how she can experience moments like this, and yet still doubt. The welcoming jingle of the bells upon the door awake her as a inspiring stranger walks into the cafe. She wonders if the surpassing joy of the cafe will fall upon the life of this stranger as it has fallen upon her own.

No one in the cafe speaks above a wisper, for the most important messages need not be above that, when directed to the heart of an eager desire willing to listen. She captures the image of a young girl and her father sitting together in the opposite corner talking and giggling over hot chocolate. She looks at the young girl with a humbled heart. She has never encountered such pure joy, wonder, and excitment than that which danced in the girls eyes like the kindle of a flame. She had never seen such pure Beauty than that of the girls smile. The smile of a pure heart oblivious to the big world she will face one day. Eyes that shone with the beauty of love, hope and wonder that the world around her craves for. Her face glowed with the hope that the world could come crashign down beneath her feet, and every good thing known could be destroyed, but yet she would not be shaken as long as she was under the wings of her loving Father. Her fathers eyes had that same sparkle of life, and that same kind smile of security. Her heart craves for such a child like beauty. The child like Faith of a young girl driven by the passion of loving her once true hro; her father. The young girl is such a small and insignificant part of the world, yet she is the one thing it craves for, and the one reason for which it was made. She is the one reason that a Glorious Kingdom was abandoned in replace of a filthy dirty world. She is the one reason that the world was stopped, that tables were turned, that hearts were changed, and the one reason that a life was given as a sacrifice of love.

If she is such an amazing treasure to the one who created the world, how can the world see her as nothing? As she lifts her eyes away from the girl and her father she looks outside the frosted window up into the sky. Its amazing how the Hearts for God can trust, Believe and hope without seeing and yet the world sees so much and yet doesnt believe.